Letter Me Later

     At first, I wanted to send this on his email thru lettermelater.com. It's actually a website that allows you to set a date on which you want your message to be sent. I thought of sending this message 2 years from now. I already have that courage to click send but then something pulled me back. So, I'll just post it here and let it be known by public. I even jokingly asked myself, "Letter Me Later or Send it Now or Never?" even if it doesn't make a sense. Haha. Pardon my bad joke.

     If by any chance he would see this, I would gladly want to hear a response from him.

Dear ****,

it's been awhile since the last time I asked you this question, "how are you?"
it's been awhile since the last time I received a response to that concern.
It's been awhile since the last time I talked to you.
it's been awhile since the last time we had lunch together.


Sorry but I'm just at the peak of my depression right now and of missing you.

I'm sorry
if I have done something wrong and let you change this way;
if I assumed alot about us. I know. It's really annoying. Knowing that you're upholding a life principle about commitments and all;
about my attitude;
about my tendencies to snob or ignore you when times call for us to meet elsewhere;
I keep you waiting some times. For the texts that were not sent on time (network error) and even my habit of not texting you first (girl issues);
when one time, I unconsciously blurted out foul words at you. It wasn't my intention. If only you knew how badly I want to take them back upon uttering it. But it was too late. That was an off-behavior of mine.
you're mistaken as my suitor by my friends. I know you hate being tagged as one. 
if reading this message annoys you. But if you'd wish to continue and know my thoughts, please go on reading this.

The point is I'm bothered. Really, I am bothered of your sudden treatment to me. I find it so cold, dull and lifeless.
It's like you're pushing me away now. It's like my existence never did occur in your life.

Every day, I wish you'd light up my phone again.
I miss those messages that make me smile and let my parents think that I have a boyfriend.
Those times, they brighten up my day and even lift me higher during my down times.
And those times gave me a new perspective about happiness and contentment. Happiness because I have a friend like you. A friend that I've been wanting to have. Contentment because I already have you as a friend, not an acquaintance anymore. A friend.

But a part of me wants to go beyond that "friend" status.
I know it's impossible "for now" but we will never know til right time comes.
But I choose to believe that we'll end up together for forever.

If you would just let me know why you're ignoring me now.

If only I could read your mind now so I would know if this waiting is worth it.

I want to know.

If only you would just let me.

Please.

I miss you.


Sincerely,
PEPPER